true spirit

in less than two months' time, the internet will be awash with people bleating about how the true spirit of christmas has been abandoned in the face of commercialism, and that we should all send our presents back and think about the baby jesus instead. to those people, i say:

what about the true spirit of halloween?

how do you think witches feel when, on the one night of the year that they are allowed out, the streets are filled with children in ill-fitting costumes with bags stuffed with sweets? don't we owe it to these poor souls to honour their beliefs and give over our capitalist ways, instead indulging in some goat-sacrifice, sky-clad dancing and suggestiveness with broomsticks?
10/31/2002 06:29:35 PM #

 

taphophilia

the website for the friends of tower hamlets cemetery is now up and running. go visit (either the site, or preferably the cemetery!).
10/30/2002 06:56:36 PM #

 

writing questions for the pub quiz

me: we need something on, like, industry or inventions or something. who invented the safety pin?
him: some famous belgian.
me: that was the biro, and he was hungarian.
10/29/2002 06:58:17 PM #

 

excuse me

i'll just be nursing my s.a.d. and cuddling my light box. give me a week or two to turn back into a functioning human being.
10/23/2002 08:58:53 PM #

 

harry potter and the vastly inflated hype

jk rowling's agent has dismissed newspaper reports there will be an eighth harry potter novel despite her vow to only write seven. when there's a fifth, then i'll start to believe that this woman and her agents aren't just milking us.
10/21/2002 10:06:52 PM #

 

happy days #2

forgot to mention the new terry pratchett out on november 4th. this is apparently the story of the early days of sam vimes' watch career. i have a sneaking suspicion (or possibly just a very wishful thought) that this one is going to be superb.

in the meantime, b. and i made our second trip in two days to ikea. mmm... ikea... we are now the proud owners of two new olive green sofa covers, a chest of drawers, a towel hamper for the shower room, hmm, what else? sure i bought more than that.

so now we just have to get the hole in the living room ceiling (from where the roof collapsed several months ago) patched and the blistered plaster replaced. and then fit the fake ceiling which will have the spotlights in it, and paper and paint the newly plastered walls in the funky mushroom/khaki barcode design i thought up yesterday.

if anyone knows a plasterer/decorator in north london who won't laugh in my face when i ask if this could be done before xmas, please send them my way.
10/21/2002 09:03:33 PM #

 

best joke ever

as brandy has posted her version of the best joke ever, now that all the fuss about the funniest joke in the world has died down, here in fact *is* the best joke ever.

what do you call a deer with no eyes?
no idea.
what do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
still no idea.
what do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no penis?
still no fucking idea.

i thank you.
10/19/2002 02:41:49 PM #

 

happy days

...are here again.

and only ten weeks to xmas!
10/17/2002 06:48:17 PM #

 

some books are more equal than others

the founding declaration of this new library of alexandria speaks of encouraging a spirit of critical inquiry. but the religious authorities have banned a number of books, even including one by the egyptian winner of the nobel prize for literature, naguib mahfouz.
10/17/2002 12:50:09 PM #

 

talking to the animals

giraffes are communicating in a range far beneath our own hearing, called infrasound... just what the giraffes are saying remains a mystery.
10/15/2002 09:04:17 PM #

 

now i've heard everything

atheists for jesus. nuff said.
10/15/2002 08:48:33 PM #

 

anniversary

b. and i have been married seven years today. apparently we should have bought each other a desk set. grounds for a divorce, i would have thought.
10/14/2002 12:38:14 PM #

 

big pipe

persuading users to pay for content will be the next battle for uk broadband providers determined to make money out of high-speed net access... "my feeling is that the focus in the uk will be on access. customers may not be attracted by content as they can get things such as text messaging and music free elsewhere," says a media analyst.

i'm intrigued by that "may not". uk customers may just be stupid enough to pay to get services through the internet that they can get free elsewhere.

facetiousness aside, i'm hoping that this will be the spur to truly turn the media over to the consumers, providing movies and music, and gods help us, even drama, soap opera and documentary on demand, instead of the network companies dictating to us what we'll watch and when. sadly, as most of the big internet content providers seem to be those network companies, with an eye to their billion-pound advertising revenues, i think i'm going to be disappointed.
10/14/2002 12:33:40 PM #

 

...and then...

when you've been to tricia's, could you please pop over to alan's? if you scroll down to the bottom of that page, you'll see a list of where his recent referrals came from. fairly high up on that list is me. also on the list is brent. although i was glad to see i wasn't the only person eagerly watching my placing on alan's list, i'm damned if i'm going to let him beat me. go away, go visit alan. then come back and click the link again.

of course, we knew it would happen. jeffrey writes:

if the web is a hyperlinked information network, these reflective links are true to its spirit and in some cases may amplify comments on a given site by turning them into a network-wide conversation of sorts. secondarily, reflective links also suggest that the site you're reading is worth your time: after all, other sites have commented, so the text must possess value. on that level reflective links serve as this year's version of the hit counter, which, by declaring somewhat accurately how many people have visited a site, implies merit or at least popularity.

well, yes. i'm still too damn fat to be picked for the netball team. but the highest number of referrals to alan's site, that's something to which i can aspire.
10/13/2002 03:34:16 PM #

 

go away

tricia needs you.
10/12/2002 08:02:40 PM #

 

separated at birth

alice cooper madonna

madonna photo stolen from alan. alice cooper photo stolen from somewhere else.
10/10/2002 12:51:28 PM #

 

i'm on the side of the apes

it is premature to push the claims too far for any fossils to be the earliest members of the human family in the present patchy state of our knowledge. an intriguing article about a ancient skull, claimed by some to be the 'missing link' in human evolution. it seems to be yet another piece of evidence that points to the human evolutionary tree being more of a rather twiggy shrub. (more info and the original nature article)
10/10/2002 12:37:16 PM #

 

wish

99.9% of the web is obsolete. if there's one thing that really, really pisses me off about mr zeldman's extract from his book on forward compatibility, it's that the rest of it isn't published until next year.
10/9/2002 12:55:29 PM #

 

what a drag

a dutchman is suing his bosses for wrongful dismissal after he was sacked for not smoking. jan elzenga went outside for a breath of fresh air with his colleagues who were taking a smoke break. he had already been warned that only smokers were allowed to leave the building and was dismissed.

i wish i could express incredulity that any company would seek to regulate its employees' behaviour down to the micro-level, but [the rest of this post has been deleted. regards, the boss.]
10/9/2002 12:27:19 PM #

 

aww

a father and son chameleon. i never thought that reptiles were cute, but apparently if you make them small enough they are.

via sylloge.
10/8/2002 07:52:21 PM #

 

virus alert

ancient egyptians, making mummies, removed the brain via the nose with a wire hook. they believed it was simply a large gland for producing snot. i think they were right.

shame it didn't stop work calling, but i suppose it's nice to feel indispensible. maybe.
10/8/2002 10:28:32 AM #

 

googlefights

it's official: women beat men.
10/7/2002 12:46:35 PM #

 

i love lists

especially when they can be controlled with css. i've done a certain amount of this, but getting lists to work horizontally and inline is new and exciting-looking for me. (what a life i must lead, when stylesheets are exciting...).

via scott andrew, who i don't read nearly often enough.
10/7/2002 12:32:01 PM #

 

why i love b.

it's not only because we have conversations that go:
me: "it's lovely and sunny. what shall we do today?"
him: "go to some cemeteries?"
but it surely helps.

todays were not terribly exciting. they were all in north-east london where the soil is very sandy and, when left alone, does its best to revert to its natural heath state. tottenham park seems to be very popular with the muslim community and there is a delicious smell of insense rising from it. sadly, the memorials are almost as universally uninteresting as the next door jewish cemetery.

chingford mount had a beautiful hillside situation and some gorgeous sycamores, just turning golden and deep red. sadly, again few spectacular monuments, except for a pair which had, instead of the common draped urn, had draped beehives instead. other than that, in the newer section, many balloons, birthday cards and toys. i'm intrigued by this; it seems to be becoming more and more common, that the dead are included in these life-markers just as if they were not dead. the idea of a dead person having a birthday seems, well, impossible to me, but obviously some people would disagree. one grave, admittedly of a baby and those are always more extreme in the bizarreness of their decoration, had several beanie babies and a picture scribbled by a young sibling pinned to a tree beside it.

walthamstow was bleak, to put it mildly. one shed-like mausoleum amongst a sea of white marble crosses. a pair of vaguely attractive chapels in an entirely ordinary style, and some bizzarely sea-green railings. st. patrick's roman catholic on the other hand was filled with spectacularly over-the-top saints, virgins and sacred hearts, with a wonderful descent from the cross at the centre. two mausolea had stained glass; one in a traditional style and the other which resembled a large tent made from roofing felt.

of course, if i turned the spare bedroom into a dark room, i wouldn't have to wait for the photographs to come back...
10/6/2002 06:01:06 PM #

 

criminal writing

jeffrey archer's newest publication is a contravention of the rules of prison life, unlike his previous publications which were simply a contravention of decent writing.
10/5/2002 08:59:41 PM #

 

taphophilia

normally, fenced-off, vandalised chapels in cemeteries upset me very much. but just occasionally, they really amuse me (taken through a hole in the fence, hence the ghost-effect). there are lots of new photos up.
10/5/2002 11:48:05 AM #

 

silly

sue is a pot plant that has a built-in motion sensor! it communicates via instant messenger.
10/4/2002 05:35:38 PM #

 

fallen angel

loraine daly arrived at church armed with her faith. but that faith proved to be misplaced when the spirit of the lord entered her body and she hit the floor. and there was nobody there to save her. now ms daly, 40, is suing the sydney christian life centre, arguing that the church breached its duty of care.

link from die puny humans.
10/4/2002 03:58:51 PM #

 

a Really Bad Idea

if you needed a way to completely screw up my financial future, letting me buy books on credit would probably be top of the list.
10/2/2002 05:17:07 PM #

 

not taking it lying down

"i've not been dead ever, not even for a second," the indignant man told local media.
10/1/2002 10:50:18 AM #